Mothers Day without Mum.

* Described always as “a lady” by all who knew her .. my mum *

Mothers Day is a day to show your mother how much much she means to you and just how much you appreciate and love her.

we should do so of course more than once a year but often feelings go unspoken as we go about daily life and in a manner that is only human we take many things including those dear to us for granted. It is equally as nice to be on the receiving end of the attention I’m sure many will agree !

Unfortunately mothers day is like the most beautiful rose… it is a symbol of love and can bring so much joy to many but also has the capability of inflicting pain and hurt on others.

For women who long to be mothers and are not , for women who have miscarried, lost young babies or children and for those who have lost their own mothers or are not in contact with them this celebration can be simply heart breaking.

I, although extremely lucky to have two beautiful children fall into the catagory of having lost my own mother.

* mammy and I , Fota Wildlife Park , 1983*

Everybody is different of course but for me before I became a mum it was a little easier to pretend that it wasn’t happening, I didn’t even have to think so much about “avoiding” the fuss of mothers day as my life was on a different track naturally to the one it’s on now!

Having kids of my own really changed my perception of my mum and mums in general, I genuinely had no idea the sacrifices mothers made for their children, just how strong a mothers love is for their child and how you would literally do anything for them. I also thought to be a sahm would be to live the dream….. I was so clueless to just what was involved and how physically and mentally exhausting it could be on occasion.

From the start of this week I was getting snippets of chat from the kids that indicated the art work was being prepared to come home on Friday, in the past few days I have been avoiding card stands as I’m a sook for “a nice verse” as my great gran aunt would put it at the best of times but were I to glance at a nice card this week in particular the flood gates could open.

I found myself with nice mugs , treat tins and various mothers day nik nacks in my hands frozen in the moment… thinking if she were with us now what would I pick for my mum.

What kind of a mothers day would my sisters and I give my mum now that we are adults (and I just three years younger than the age at which her life was taken from her) and I’ll be honest I felt hard done by and just angry ….

* On Somerton Rd early 82′ just a couple of months old with mammy *

I’m sure anger, sorrow and heartbreak are common amoung other emotions for the people mentioned above and the thought that life is “not fair” (as childish as that phrase sounds) is one that certainly crosses my mind more than sporadically.

Life in many ways isn’t fair but I’m well aware of just how lucky I am in so many other areas of life and try to push past the sadness that filters in slowly during the lead up birthdays, anniversaries and key moments throughout my life.

In particular I am so lucky to still have my grandad at almost 85, my everything. A strong , brave , open minded gentleman with so many redeeming qualities I couldn’t list them all ! without him I would not be half the person I am today.

I look at him and wonder where he found and still finds the strength after losing a child ( and his wife less than a month later ), just how did he go on ….

I am fully aware he still finds his loss a bitter pill to swallow as he has said more than once that burying a child is something no parent should have to do and in my experience the people who say time can heal are not on the same wavelength as me .

*Mammy and Grandad enjoying the sun abroad just two years before she past *

Amidst the sorrowful thoughts and tears I think of the happy memories… the smell of home baking in our kitchen growing up, the beautiful home cooked foods , the magical Christmas mornings, the city girl minding a gap or feeding an orphan lamb on her lap with an old baby bottle and the joy that a simplistic but loving upbringing gave us and those thoughts bring a smile to my face.

I am truly grateful for those years I had as not many are as lucky.

However you approach mothers day or whatever your situation I send you loving energy .

Remember whether you love it, loathe it or are impartial it’ll all be over in the blink of an eye, until next year !

Xoxo L.

11 thoughts on “Mothers Day without Mum.

  1. I have no hesitation in saying your mum was and is so very proud of you Laura. What a lovely tribute and reflection. She’d be so chuffed to read it, and perhaps was as she looked over your shoulder!
    It’s hard to believe it’s been so long but she loved you all so dearly I’ve no doubt she gave enough to last a lifetime.
    A fellow blogger wrote on my blog once explaining about death within his religion. He said that they believe our loved ones meet the next generation before they are born and send a little bit of themselves with them. I thought it was a beautiful idea.
    Much love to you this Sunday. I’m sure your mum is never far away. Now you’re a mum yourself you know you can never truly ever leave your children. xxx

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  2. My mom passed about a year and a half ago, so this will be my second mother’s day without her. I agree that this is yet another time to hold those whom you love and appreciate closer, because we are reminded that life is special and fragile and is only there for a time. Thanks for sharing your heartfelt experiences.

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