A few weeks back I attended an open day for a sports team , I had a blast met some fab people and thought
” this is something I’d really enjoy”.
Between the jigs and reels it turned out I would be required to do a training program ( which would cost me ) and equipment could be hired for these weeks but being a larger lady this was not feasible for me.
I approached a team member and shared my concerns that the cost of the equipment i would have to buy was a lot of money to me and should I not make the grade after the initial training or should I find the commitment as a mum of two young kids living quite a distance away from the training grounds unachievable it would be quite an amount of money wasted.
I took the fact that that they had no solutions all in my stride but when it was put to me how they had a single mum on the team who lived a distance away also ( although not as far as me !) It really got my goat …
Seriously since when did your relationship status define the support you have .
Don’t get me wrong, I know single mums have alot on their plate and I think they are amazing and have the utmost respect for them but on the other hand I know a few single mums who have far more support than I.
The support you have as a mum is determined by alot of factors…
Not living in close proximity to family and friends can be a huge problem when rallying the troupes. My sisters are an amazing support to me but the reality is for them to do something as simple as pick J or L ip from school and drop them too me ( nothing else not even have a cuppa ) will take slightly over an hour as I live in ” outer Mumbai ” as my sister puts it !!! Realistically I live in the suburbs.
Living a distance from family and friends can certainly make support a little more difficult to come by and if you are rural it makes playdates and school run rotas a little less feasible.
An inability to ask for help;
This I’d something I have struggled with majorly in the past but as I have improved at asking for help and letting others see that sometimes I just need a break so too has the support I’ve received. People genuinely had no idea that I needed more support than I was receiving. Don’t be afraid to ask for help or reach out for support as it’s worth it !
A partner who works irregular or long hours;
For alot of mums today’s society means it’s not uncommon for partners to have to work weekends, irregular or additional hours to keep on top of bills etc and the best partner on the world may not be able to give the amount of support he or she wishes.
Supporting someone financially in my eyes is quite important,everybody knows financial pressure brings a whole new level of worry to life and can cause serious issues. We shouldn’t underestimate the value of financial support that said it should run along side emotional and physical support and never replace it.
Not having your mum in your life;
I don’t want to be like a broken record but being without your mum for whatever reason means you are robbed of what should be your biggest cheerleader….
when I questioned mums about their support their own mum was mentioned as their greatest support if not equal to the women’s partners.
Being without the lady who has known you longer than another , who has been there and not only got the t -shirt but has worn it out can be tough in a lot of ways but if you are lucky to have good in laws that’s a blessing that can soothe the sting.
Basically everyone these days has hectic Scheduales… for many the work : home life ratio is mad… people work long days and for many the weekend is the time they cram everything they need to do and people they need to see into 2 measly days. Friends, family and those in a position to support often just don’t have the time with their own lives being so busy and often pressured. I’m lucky that my biggest support my sister works shift and she has 2.5 days off and has that little extra bit to give .. thankfully she often gives it to me but the reality is most people have their own stuff going on and reaching out to others isnt high on thru list of priorities.
Recently Mr Mmmm was away 9 days out of a 14 day period and I was astounded at the support I was offered from a people that usually wouldn’t let it enter their head that I might like some me time or some alone time with my partner ! Is there a thinking that if you have a partner you have all the support you need ?
Do people go that extra mile to offer support if your flying solo or are you just “poxed” if you have great support !
I think the bottom line is we are seriously lacking the “village” mentality this generation has been robbed of .. question is how do we get it back ?